1. The
roundest knight at King Arthur’s Round Table was Sir Cumference. He
acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye
doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical
3. She
was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
4. A rubber band pistol
was confiscated in an algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5. The
butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
6. No matter how much you
push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.
7. A dog
gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
8. A grenade thrown into a
kitchen in
9. Two
silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
10. Time flies like an
arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
11. A
hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
12. Atheism is a
non-prophet organization.
13. Two
hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other,
“You stay here, I’ll go on a head.”
14. I wondered why the
baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
15. A
sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said, “Keep off the Grass.”
16. A small boy swallowed
some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask
how he was, a nurse said, “No change yet.”
17. A
chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
18. Don’t join
dangerous cults, practice safe sects!
19. The
short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
20. The soldier who
survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
21 A
backward poet writes inverse.
22. In a democracy,
it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism, it’s your count that
votes.
23. When
cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.